Working through recovery
Interviews? TMI or not. Returnity.
Hey there,
This week I’ve been interviewing parents that faced challenges related to finding daycare, pumping at work, and sleep deprivation.
If you’d like to share your experience on these or related topics, reply and tell me. Your perspectives are so valuable.
Silent struggles
Most birth moms returning from a 3-month leave still navigate sleep loss and pumping/breastfeeding.
And of the hundreds of new moms I’ve asked, roughly 2/3rds are dealing with difficult emotions, which returning to work too soon can compound.
But none of these difficulties are usually talked about at work.
No one wants to hear complaining or TMI. And returning employees also don’t want to risk being seen as unreliable or distracted.
So polite workplace conversation centers on how cute the baby is.
What’s the problem?
There are several. Let’s focus on 2.
1) Managers are left ill-equipped.
Misunderstanding the maternity leave experience — or not having training, guidelines, and backfill — justifies overlooking the situation and expecting a returning employee to grind at 110%.
For example, after my 2nd child, I was scheduled to give a conference presentation within two weeks of my return. To meet deadlines, I researched the deck on my 12-week unpaid leave.
2) New parents risk burnout.
New parents are in no position to disagree with their circumstances. If they speak up, it could signal to company leadership that they’re not committed or a whining malcontent.
Either of these could lead to lost bonuses and promotions.
These workplace and money pressures are a recipe for burnout, work errors, or an unsustainable lack of balance at home.
Alternatively, the new parent may mentally check out of the office, killing team morale and productivity.
What should team leaders do?
Be considerate.
At a minimum, do not pressure new parents to work while on leave so they can focus on recovering and adjusting to their circumstances.
Also, have realistic expectations when they return.
If they had a short leave, they’re probably not going to be well-rested. And there is a good chance they’ll need time for pumping at work.
Advocate for re-onboarding.
Ask HR about company policies and flexibility for gradual returns or work-from-home arrangements.
Gradual returns mean easing back into the office. Emerald Publishing, for instance, has a “Returnity” program where managers and employees can set an on-ramping schedule to ease the transition back.
The idea is to avoid burnout, support retention, and help returning employees do better work.
Working from home is universally popular. Returning from leave this gives added benefits.
I appreciated wearing sweatpants while I couldn’t fit into my pre-prego clothes and having a comfortable pumping setup where I could also get some basic work done.
Talk long-term.
Balance respect for their circumstance with conversations about career development. This signals that you’re focused on their longer-term growth and belonging at the company.
Giving this reassurance is so important. Career-driven women are particularly likely to be self-conscious about the impact of their leave — don’t leave them guessing.
Highlight leave benefits in recruiting.
Companies with a reputation for thoughtful leave policies can differentiate their recruiting and attract a broader set of top candidates.
Hiring managers should feature company parental leave policies in job postings or career pages.
If you don’t, experienced parents will assume that yours are embarrassing.
Make parental resources available.
GitLab has a model worth watching. The company’s guidelines help managers consider employees’ situations and get best-practice tips.
New parents are offered a 3-month ‘4th-trimester’ coaching program to help their transition back to the office.
They also have a new parent re-entry buddy, where a current employee meets weekly to help smooth the transition. This includes things like taking time to explain department changes.
If we discussed parental leave experiences more, I believe managers would be better equipped to help their team confidently return.
Cheers,
Robin
(P.S. Thanks for reading. It means a lot.)
Resources discovered:
The Skimm’s #ShowUsYourLeave: Advocating for paid leave transparency, they’ve compiled an open database of 550+ companies’ detailed leave policies. Get your company added to the list with this form.
Otter. A new marketplace to match caregivers and families across the US. Founded by a frustrated mom of twin toddlers and backed by A-list investors, including Andreessen Horowitz and Sequoia.