Practical feedback lessons
Practical feedback lessons
Appreciation. Clear boundaries. Measuring life.
Hey,
As Thanksgiving approaches, I wanted to shift from navigating new mom challenges to acknowledging what we gain as parents.
Specifically, how becoming a mom can help sharpen core management skills.
Take giving feedback. Guiding my young kids provided a relentless training ground.
Lessons in feedback from my preschooler
Preschoolers love boundary testing. Mine needed immediate, direct, and consistent feedback — multiple times — for an expectation to stick.
After years of managing the little people in my house, I noticed that my feedback at work strengthened in 3 ways.
1. Setting and holding clear expectations
With teammates, as with toddlers, it’s easier to let something out of line go than to put a foot down immediately.
When my son drops his coat on the floor, hanging it myself feels simpler than calling him back. But if I don’t get him to hang it, he’ll learn the floor is where his coat goes.
I realized that I was doing the equivalent of hanging up other people’s coats at work.
For instance, we had a project due, and it hit my desk hours late. I missed our family dinner getting it set for the client. But I didn’t make much of it.
The next time we had a project, the same manager didn’t get it to me until 8 pm — on a Friday. And it was in even worse shape.
He had internalized that missing a deadline was okay – we’d pick up his slack. I now had to fix his misunderstanding of what deadlines mean.
2. Frequency brings comfort.
The more often you give feedback, the more natural it is to do.
This relates to everything kids need to learn — from putting away their dishes to saying ‘please’ and so on.
I tell my kids some version of: “Here’s what you did,” “it had this impact,” and so “going forward, let’s do/avoid this” throughout the day. It builds confidence and helps them know they’re on track.
Building up teams is similar.
At one point, I had the goal of giving at least one piece of feedback daily.
Positive feedback was even more impactful than corrective feedback because it motivates, builds trust, and helps eventual corrective feedback to stick.
3. General praise is generally useless.
To the receiver, sweeping statements can sound insincere. It’s also hard to understand what was good or bad about the action.
I can’t tell my son, “your room looks bad; fix it.” He sees the pieces of paper spread on the floor as meals he sets out for his stuffed animals. He won’t realize what looks messy or how to fix it.
I’ve seen this repeatedly at work as well.
Earlier this year, an analyst came to me with a 10-page report draft. She got feedback that it needed to be shorter, but the director didn’t say how much or where he wanted her to tighten it.
To help her out, I gave comments throughout her draft.
Specific feedback is more challenging because it takes time and thought. It’s also vital if you want to see a particular outcome.
Of course, I still make many feedback mistakes. But I’m grateful my kids have forced me to improve.
This piece is part of a broader series that I’m writing on the management skills that parenthood builds. If you have a skill that you’d want to see covered, reply and tell me!
Cheers,
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Resources discovered:
How Will You Measure Your Life? HBS professor Clay Christensen’s 2012 TEDx Talk about the difference between workplace success and finding fulfillment.
Everybody Writes. Ann Handley’s guidebook for modern content marketing is super digestible and relevant for anyone with a job involving typing.
How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen - a quick video summarizing Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish’s classic parenting book on communicating with kids. The bottom line is showing patience, validation, and encouragement matters.
The Effective Manager is a practical guidebook with 3 chapters dedicated to delivering feedback. If you’re a new manager, it’s a good read.